When terrifying things like the horrendous events at Bondi Junction this Saturday happen, it can be hard enough to make space for our own distress, confusion and fear. What happened is so senseless, aggressive and violent there are no words to express the feelings it unearths in us. This is a time for us to be super compassionate with ourselves and super supportive of those around us, including the little people in our lives.
This morning my seven year old quietly approached me and then grabbed me gently crying. She said she was worried about going to camp in Bondi tomorrow - as she’d heard the stabbings happened at the shops in Bondi. We hadn’t discussed what happened and I hadn’t watched any news in her presence. While our instinct is to protect our children from such horror - the truth is with so much access to news and ears that are always listening- often they will know about what’s happened wether we expose them to it or not. It is essential to remember you can't effectively hold space for your child if you haven't held some space for your own reactions to this unimaginable event.
Depending on child’s age and previous experiences their responses will vary. They could include behaviours like:
Not wanting to be away from you - their safe person
Being clingy and temperamental
Seeming normal and then suddenly unexplicably becoming upset or angry
Asking a lot of questions which might be uncomfortable to answer
Having difficulty sleeping
Feeling frightened more bad unexpected things will happen
Becoming withdrawn
There are a number of things you can do to help your child in the face of such incomprehensible news.
Where you can limit repeated exposure to news stories
Keep routines as much as possible (hard with it being school holidays ..)
Start a conversation by asking what your child knows
Make space for your child to ask questions and answer them openly and honestly for example if they ask about what happened say something like - ‘What happened is awful - a man who was very unwell hurt a few people - some of them were hurt so badly they died. It is very sad and very hard for all of us to understand. But things like this are very rare - and you are safe’
Make allowances for their mood swings and potential distress understanding that it makes sense - and offer additional affection and support
Talk to your child about what they are feeling - help them locate the feeling in their bodies - and ask them if they have any ideas about what they need to work through this feeling (it’s really important to do this for yourself too …)
Acknowledge and affirm their feelings and talk about how the events have made you feel and what you’re doing to cope so that they understand this affects adults and children and you role model coping strategies …
Talk to your child about how it is helpful to talk to someone about what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling when awful things like this happen
Go gently this week as you make space for your own response to this tragedy - and for the reactions of those around you.
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