Susan David is a Harvard Medical School psychologist who writes about emotional agility. She speaks to the need for each of us to learn to accept all of our emotions including the messy ones. She says this is the key to resilience, thriving and authenticity. Susan challenges us to meet our emotions with curiosity, compassion and courage much like the buddhist concept of inviting all of our uncomfortable parts to tea (https://www.tarabrach.com/inviting-mara-to-tea/) . I particularly like how David speaks about the inherent dangers of forced or toxic positivity. You can check her work out here … https://www.susandavid.com/ or if podcasts are more the way you absorb information you’ll enjoy this conversation with Brene Brown (https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-dr-susan-david-on-the-dangers-of-toxic-positivity-part-1-of-2/)
Susan starts her TED talk greeting the audience with the South African Zulu greeting “sawubona” - hello. She explains the powerful intention of this word which literally translated means "I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being." - isn’t that beautiful?
We all long to be seen an accepted exactly as we are … a sentiment also articulated beautifully by the late Fred Rogers - who’s show Mr Rogers Neighbourhood aired for over 30 years and always ended with Fred saying "There’s no person in the world just like you, and I like you, just the way you are.”
Imagine the kind of place the world would be if more of us said this to each other - and especially to our children more often.
If you don’t know the story of Mr Rogers - check out the movie about his life starring Tom Hanks, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019).
Seeing and loving people as they are is a called unconditional positive regard in person centred counselling, which was founded by another Mr Rogers, Carl Rogers. It is one of the simple reasons counselling is so profoundly healing for people.
It’s also the same principle at work when you hear people saying that all anyone needs is one person who truly sees them and believes in them. Ultimately we all need to become that person for ourselves - but that’s something very hard to do unless we’ve experienced it. In the words of Mr Rogers “I don’t think anyone can grow unless they are loved exactly as they are now. Appreciated for who they are rather than who they will be.”
Sue Giles AM formerly of Polyglot Theatre said at a training day I participated in “children are not human becomings they are human beings.”, and that has really stuck with me. There is no place more essential that we ensure that people feel loved exactly as they are than in childhood. Wouldn’t the world be a much safer and kinder place if all children grew up knowing they were loved for who they are.
Counselling is a wonderful place to work on achieving this feeling for yourself. A safe place where you are seen, heard and accepted …
Who in your life has provided this feeling for you, and how do you show it to others …
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