Generally in the Western world we aren’t great at talking about or making space for people’s grief. We seem to have a collective discomfort with pain - particularly the kind of unresolvable pain which comes with an experience of grief.
When I got a job in paediatric palliative care I purchased Elizabeth Kubler Ross’ groundbreaking book “On Death and Dying”. One of the unintended legacies of Kubler Ross’s landmark work was people took it very literally and became prescriptive about the stages she outlined - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. If you follow any of the work of David Kessler (www.grief.com) who worked with Ross - and came to the work through his own personal grief journey - you will know that the intention was never that they be considered linear or limiting.
There are now many other models of grief - the Dual Processing and the Growth Around Grief Models - one of the best sources of information about all things grief that I’ve found is www.whatsyourgrief.com if you’re grieving, supporting someone who’s grieving or simply seeking to understand grief better this is a great place to start.
In my personal life and when I hear from clients a common experience is a feeling of feeling incredibly isolated - a sense that those around want you to move on, that they find your feelings too big to be around. Sometimes this is as simple as people being afraid to bring up the loss that has lead to the grief. What I have heard most often from those grieving is “I want to talk about it/them … I think about this everyday.”
Fortunately there are a number of courageous therapists, public figures and commentators who have shared their perspectives and experiences of grief and are working to change our social dialogue about grief and grieving.
One of my favourite recent public conversations about grief was Andrew Garfield speaking with Steven Colbert about the grief of his mother’s death - it is truly a beautiful and intimate conversation and one of the most beautiful public expressions of grief I’ve ever had the privilege to see (if you don’t want to watch the whole conversation watch from 4:05).
Steven Colbert and Anderson Cooper - two American journalists have also shared their experiences in incredibly articulate, vulnerable and intimate ways
It’s a long watch but an incredibly beautiful conversation. Anderson Cooper also has an incredible podcast All There Is
Megan Devine is a therapist who’s devoted her career to supporting the grieving and promoting social understanding after a profound experience of grief in her public life - www.refugeingrief.com she also has a book and podcast It’s OK you’re Not OK.
If books are the place you have an infinity I adored Indira Naidoo’s recent book The Space Between the Stars: On Love, Loss and the Magical Power of Nature to Heal.
There are also some beautiful TED talks about grief and these are two of my favourites … Nora McInerny
and Dr Geoff Warburton
Finally in my far from exhaustive list - there are two women Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn who’ve decided to share their experiences and interview many experts from both academic and lived experience perspectives Good Mourning https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/good-mourning-grief-podcast/id1529978129. These guys also have a fabulous book.
Grief is a topic I’m passionate about talking about and exploring and you can expect many more bogs about aspects of grief …
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